Friday, February 24

"Don't look back in anger, I heard you say"


Yes, the title of this is from a Rock Band song. I am a die-hard Rock Band fan. The drums are my forte, but at the expense of tooting my own horn, I am above average at guitar and singing. Rock Band was even on my top five things I missed my freshman year of college, preceded only by siblings, home-cooked food, and Celicia (see earlier posts for an introduction to my charming car). At least I am skilled at something in life, a video game.

I haven’t written a post on here in while, however I’ve started several that never got finished and probably never will. I’m discovering I write best when I have something to sort out in my head. Sitting here trying to communicate, organize, and put words to everything in my obscure, fast mind is oddly therapeutic. I should be studying for my two exams next week, Organic Chemistry (O-Chem) and Genetics on back-to-back class days, however instead there’s a lot on my mind about nothing academic. Another few lessons are in the making, from determination and facing fears in learning to surf (next post preview!) to boys it has been an interesting month. Good update from last post: as I was hoping, the big man upstairs provided. My tax return is more than enough to live off of for the rest of the semester. I can take money out of my worries with a paid off credit card and a cushion to leave out of my thoughts.

True confession: I make up words to songs and rarely get caught. I got caught Tuesday. It was awkward.

No one can truly prepare you for how much you will change in your late teens to early twenties. Everyone says that, so I accept how cliché I’m sure I just sounded and let’s move forwards. The decisions we make daily, the people we surround ourselves with, and the fortunate (or unfortunate) happenings of life, make up an identity. Psychology has spent countless studies on identity and confidence; for example Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs states that one can become “self-actualized” when they have met all the needs of an identity. Although each of the ideas listed for this self-actualization are very important, and some I do consider vital, I’m realizing people simply grow. I grow. God gave us an incredible ability to think, reason, and decide for a purpose and a big part of that reasoning is maturity.  

I have never met a mature person that had yet to crash and burn. In fact, the people I look up to most for wisdom and maturity fought, often fighting themselves. What most people call mistakes are the most important learning incidents. We all have that forehead slapping moment where we made a hasty decision, didn’t make a decision at all, or simply evaluated wrong. However it is at that moment that we slap our foreheads, that we will then evaluate differently next time. This is all we can be thankful for and expect from ourselves.  

I don’t believe in regrets, but this is no excuse to make all the intentional “mistakes” your heart (or head) desires. In making decisions, approach with your best judgment, be honest with yourself, and prayerfully consider all options. If at one time, you considered a decision to be the best one, you cannot disrespect that later. Take the lessons and move forwards.