Peeing on iPhones

Downtown Seattle on Thanksgiving 

There is something about being in Seattle that makes me want to write again. The gray gloom, caffeine overload, and hipsters make me feel like I need to do some introspection. In this six-month gap I have taken from writing, some of what may be the most monumental moments of my life have occurred. Instead of sparking a writing bug like change used to, these things have felt so natural that I didn’t even think to slow down and process them. In these crazy months, I began to work in a hospital, was reminded of why I ever in a million years became Biochemistry major, and fell in love. I have tried to write, but nothing seems to bring justice to the whirlwind of happiness and rollercoaster of emotions that I have been on for the last six months. This will be the seventh piece I have started in six months intending to post, but by the end, whatever I have written about isn’t quite the explanation I needed or hoped it would be.

Often I get caught in a downward spiral of getting my ass kicked by school, consistently counting the dwindling dollars in my bank account, and pretending like I’m not racking up more student loan debt than any human should. I drown in notes before every exam, pretending to be a good student studying, when really I’m wondering what the hell I’m writing in a reaction a million times only to feel unprepared for an exam. I make a few hundred dollars, and within days I need an oil change, gas, food, or something for my apartment and just like that its gone, and by gone I mean I get regular from emails from BofA telling me my balance fell below $10. On top of wondering if I’ll have enough money for gas or something or another, the dollars I might need for gas is nothing compared to the thousands and thousands I am adding onto my student loans that will “get paid someday”.

Lesson #1: Despite all of these seemingly stressful things, there is so much more to be thankful for than to grumble about. I have the opportunity to go to school, despite my funding being short sometimes. I always seem to have what I need, even though I don’t always have the little things I want (like clothes, a new car, fun things for my apartment, or sushi). This is easier said than done when everyone at your school drives cars that are worth 30 times yours. I wish that was an exaggeration. It’s easy to compare what you have, but if you have your needs met, the rest isn’t worth one bit of increased cortisol levels.

While cramming for the first of the four exams I had last week, I was sitting in a professor’s office trying to wrap my mind around some stupid step of gluconeogenesis, when I remembered why this ever fascinated me at all. Between all of the intimidating sounding science classes I was trying to plow through in these past three years, I forgot how I ended up a Biochemistry major over everything else—it fascinates me. In fact beyond fascinates me; it keeps me up at night because I wonder how these things are working. All of this science is at the tip of our fingers, and I chose to study it. I had gotten so caught up in memorizing the next biochemical pathway or organic chemistry reaction, trying to get to medical school, taking the necessary steps to even get into medical school, and eventually being a doctor, that I forgot I even loved science at all.

Lesson #2: The sciences are my passion, and I almost let that slip through my fingers trying to study them. Forgetting my passion when I'm in too deep to turn around would have made the rest of my life pretty miserable. 

If I were reading this I would be wondering two things: why I decided to call this post “Peeing on iPhones”, have yet to mention why on earth I called it that, and casually threw down the sincere, life-altering words, that I fell in love. We’ll start with why I peed on my iPhone. After hiking last week, in the middle of studying for three exams simultaneously, I put my phone in the back of my pants (super high up, pretty much on my hip, don’t get any ideas). When I drove home, I had to use the restroom extremely bad, like about to have my bladder explode all over my car. I frantically ran into my apartment, dropping everything on the floor, making my first stop the bathroom. I pulled my pants down, sat down, and plop went my phone before I could catch it. I know I’m not the only one this happens to, if its an emergency, once you start going there is no stopping the flow. I peed right on my faithful iPhone 4 and there was nothing I could do about it. For those that know the way things work out for me, this is not surprising. I wouldn't just drop my phone in the toilet like people do every day, I also would pee on it. Life must always go one step further for me. 

Lesson #3: If you pee on your phone a month before Christmas, you will most likely get a new phone before Christmas comes.

I left falling in love for last because despite being reminded of my passions, remembering to be thankful around Thanksgiving, and peeing on my phone, this is the biggest thing to happen to me since I swore off boys. My somewhat tumultuous relationship past has led me to the most peaceful man I’ve ever come across. I always prided myself in not having a ton of emotions, never shedding tears and claiming to be a woman nonetheless. Truthfully, I never had anything, or any man, I loved enough to make me feel like a woman. I never shed tears because nothing around me was tear jerking. Instead of continuing to pride myself in being the world’s first unemotional woman, I see just how powerfully a love that sweeps you off your feet will change your perspective.  The world looks sweeter, and sometimes worth happily crying over.

Lesson #4: I always said I was unemotional, but really I was closed off on purpose. The most powerful and influential of women are not unemotional, but instead are full of a passion that is with no doubt intimidating.

This is as not-sappy as I could make it. I hate clichés, so eventually I’ll write more about falling in love with this awesome man, but I need some time to do that in a more original way than “If I wrote all the things I loved about him down, they would never end”.  Although it may or may not be true, I feel like I'm belittling my intelligence with other people's words.