I began this post earlier
this week, but have spent the week mentally recovering from finals so
naturally anything that should take a few hours takes days.
(From December 17) I’m too
tired to do Sudoku puzzles for hours on a plane; that’s insanely tired. After
watching my best friend go through one of the nastiest break ups I may ever
witness, a sleepless few weeks including finals that kicked my ass, and an
early Saturday morning flight out of LAX to get home for the holidays,
exhausted does not cut it. Somehow it is one week until Christmas, I passed all
of my classes, and have ingested more caffeine than any human should in a three
week period. When I look back on all that I have accomplished these past few
weeks, including a controversial debate on biological evolution, 3 final exams,
a unit exam, a lab exam, a term paper, and a date thrown into the mix, I’m not
sure why I’m standing tall and alive. Just yesterday at this time in the morning,
I was finishing up the 165-question biology final, and beginning to cram with
two hours remaining until my cumulative, note-free, physics exam. Just 23 hours
before I began writing this, I was laying on the library floor wondering how on
earth I was going to remember fifty or more obscure physics equations and
constants, running on almost no sleep, coffee, and a few delirious laughing
fits. It is when we are tested, physically on a mountain, mentally in an
education, or emotionally from someone leaving your life, that we confidently
emerge stronger.
Being more mentally taxed
than ever before this week, I was reminded of this past summer when I spent a
week backpacking in the BC Coastal Range of western Canada. Because of my
personality, I often find myself offered various leadership positions. All
through high school I led in an organization called Young Life, a Christian
outreach organization, and when I graduated I had the opportunity to take girls
to camp. This same group of girls, which I shouldn’t be surprised about, wanted
to go on a trip through Young Life called Beyond Malibu. The campers can choose
either a six-day kayaking trip, or a six-day mountaineering trip. I am an
opportunist, and love these girls to death, so of course I did not hesitate for
a moment on taking them on this trip. We are given two mountaineering guides,
and all of the necessary equipment to brave the snow and summit a mountain.
Even though I went in to this trip not thinking for a second of the
difficulties of carrying 45 pounds up a mountain, and only thinking of these
girls and how they would be changed by this trip, I came out a changed person
as well. My now good friend Amy and I, having met up once concerning the trip,
led five young women up this mountain with the help of two incredible woman guides.
Despite my big personality that sometimes masks my small stature, I don’t pack
a lot of punch. At 5’4” and 115 pounds, I’m a small woman. This also did not
cross my mind as playing a part in being able to carry an 80-liter pack for six
days. Essentially, if I had any way off of that mountain, I would have been off
in an instant. However, because I was leading this group of girls, I had
absolutely no choice but to push forwards. There were hours on this trip that I
was so exhausted, and in so much pain from my body being unprepared to carry so
much weight, that I didn’t even speak. I could focus on no more than the next
step in front of me. When we summited that mountain, together, I had never felt
so accomplished. I had overcome the physical pain, and began the journey of
becoming a hard worker.
The semester that ended
yesterday (now last week) was the hardest semester of my undergraduate degree,
and the relief has not sunk in yet. Numerous times I was reminded of climbing up a snowy face of the mountain, kick
stepping one foot after the next for hours. The sense of accomplishment I have
from getting through this semester, big thanks to my sidekick Sean for dealing
with my grumpiness, is something that will carry me through the rest of my undergraduate
degree. I also am limping away from this proudly saying that I am a hard
worker. I truly gave this my all. If my career choice of a doctor is really what I am
aspiring towards, it will take over my life. Strangely I’m excited for the
challenge.
These past few months, with a week past that I have had to recover and process the hardest months of my
life, have instilled in me a fire. I will stop at nothing to get where I’m
going. Sometimes one wakes up in the face of incredibly difficult situations,
ones that we would immediately opt out of if possible; however, it is these
situations that give passion in specific areas. Be easily inspired. Choose to
keep moving forwards, even if the next step is the only one you can focus on.
