The Look of Alive

I love to eat chocolate, but I am not legally old enough to drink wine in the United States. So then why would I write about chocolate and wine? Simply put, they are two things women love, and two things that put that giggle in our hearts. This has nothing to do with chocolate or wine, but instead about what makes us feel alive today. Some women thrive with a look in their eyes that communicates accomplishment, and some of us drown in an education and skin problems. A select bunch of women have found confidence away from the affection of men, the desire to be attractive, and achieving success in an uncharted man’s work world. How does one be a chocolate loving, full-hearted, woman in a society that frowns upon emotion? Find life.

After standing in the rain for two hours tonight on a side street in downtown Santa Barbara with three friends, I kicked myself for not just bringing my car into the shop two weeks ago when the awful, crunching, grinding sound started. Counting pennies (or dollars nowadays) in college had made me wait to take my $650 1990 Toyota Celica in. Lesson learned on that, however I learned another lesson as well. You win some, and you lose some more. Tonight, I won. Chelsea: 1 World: 0. I witnessed true friendship when a few of my friends drove to pick us up on the side of a random road on a Friday night, and when my other friends patiently sat with me while I looked under my hood and called a mechanic. We laughed with each other (mostly at me) while the rain hit the car outside waiting for the tow truck to arrive. One friend actually thanked me for the adventure she had. So glad I can share my family car problem curse with those more fortunate (or less fortunate, I have great stories to tell at parties). These are what make up life, these moments when you can only laugh at the really shitty situation, or in my case laugh at oneself.

Afterwards, sitting on my couch-bed in my college dorm room on a Friday night, being sure to sign off of Facebook chat as to hide the fact that I am writing instead of doing something slightly reckless, I started to watch Rihanna’s newest music video, We Found Love. Sex, drugs, and intimacy are compiled into four minutes of her need for this man with great lips. In the midst of their roller coasters, both literally and figuratively, Rihanna is dancing with this man with a look in her eyes that snagged my attention. Very few details these days catch me, as I pass over all but elephants in the midst of this mess they call life in the 21^st century. She looked alive. As she swung around on his back with a DJ playing beats and mud flying everywhere, she looked free. Is it simply love that makes us feel that life? Can one put words to that irreplaceable feeling of truly living in the moment? It could be something as simple as dancing with your eyes closed, or as complex the indescribable moments that take every bit of your focus, unique emotion, and effort.

I think we can only have those moments when we are unconcerned with the thoughts of the eyes around us. It can take going into the wilderness, leaving a mirror and make-up regimen for a week, or closing your eyes in the middle of a crowd and spinning the night away with your closest friends. We are never free from the eyes of criticism today. Whether through social networking, texting, overbearing relationships, or harsh friends, women are under constant scrutiny. In a mess of emotional detachment and casual sex, how is a woman wired for the search of love supposed to stand strong? With emotions and affection slowly being viewed as weak and clingy, how do we slow down and embrace being a woman? Can one even slow down with the constant iPhone ding of an email, Facebook, text, or call echoing in the few seconds of silence one is blessed with? In a society that is slowly squishing emotion, and the womanhood out of women, one must find that look of “alive”.

That look of “alive” reminds me painfully that there is more to molecules in this world. As a Biochemistry major, often I find myself dismissing emotions as no more than chemical pathways and hormones. Then I meet someone with that look of alive. Other times I watch a beautiful sunset on the Santa Barbara beach with someone I love, and I am again reminded, there is so much more to life. That look of alive can best be described as the glimmer of peace, satisfaction, love, or excitement that ones’ ever-communicating eyes radiate. Despite constantly being overwhelmed with school, work, and impersonal, electronic social interactions, those moments full of life and awe lead me to believe that one can find what gives that glimmer more often than we think.

Embrace the emotions you feel as a woman, they were given to you for a reason. When you catch yourself seeking attention, go dancing, watch a sunset, eat a big bar of chocolate, and be alone. Yes, be alone.

With social networking easily at our fingertips at all times, alone has been forgotten. Who a woman is when she is alone is the woman that must be embraced at all times. Find yourself. When shaken by imperfect love, broken friendships, and failure, rely on that identity that a woman must find in order to find true confidence. If you close this computer screen with anything more than a desire to watch Rihanna’s music video, I hope that it would be loneliness. Find your passions, what makes you tick, and cling to it. Each woman is unique; embrace your “faults” that make you a woman. The most attractive woman is one that does not rely on others, one that beams of confidence, one that laughs at that broken down car, one that has that look of “alive”. Find it.