I Feel Tricked.

To my friends and family from my past and present,

I write this to you in honesty and transparency. I feel duped.

Let’s go back a few years (say, 10). One Sunday, I was sitting in the back of a church at 13 years old and learned of a woman dentist who went all over the world in order to bring people in need of dental work free care. At that moment, I dreamed of myself, 15 years from then, as a doctor. I love science and barf, blood, and fluids never made me cringe. I am a problem solver, a die-hard scientist, and a decision maker. I have dreamed ever since of wearing a white coat, calling bold, difficult decisions, and taking on the world’s health problems all in one life span. In an attempt to get to my dream, I borrowed some serious money for my undergrad. I was told if I did well I would get into medical school.

Spoiler: I didn’t do that well. I did “fine”. I blame no one but myself for this. I was too young and stupid to truly realize and put into practice that this was the stepping-stone to my future. Put me in line with the rest of the 4.0 earning, volunteering, Kaplan educated, MCAT killing students and I am a flop. I don’t have a 4.0, or even close, I haven’t volunteered enough for them, my Kaplan class stressed me out and cost me way too much money, and the MCAT killed a small piece of my soul instead of how I envisioned murdering it. I can’t stop working full time because every month I stare at a large sum of money I owe someone.   

I feel duped by my own view of myself. I wouldn’t let myself look at any other options other than 4-year universities because of my pride. I feel duped by my college who told me that everyone got financial aid and there would be ways to make it work. I feel duped by society, who told me I needed to go to college to be satisfied with my future self.

I have had periods of time that I blame the system. My education costs are my own to take on and at times feel insurmountable. “It isn’t fair that others have their education paid for,” I say to myself. It isn’t fair that our generation is starting our lives in so much debt, both as a nation and personally. that it makes me want to vomit. The cost of living keeps rising and we can’t keep our heads above water financially, so we borrow. We borrow for school, for cars, for housing, for stuff. We borrow because we’re told it will help us reach our dreams.

I tell you this because of a realization I have had in the past year. Dreams are just dreams. Dreams are for dreamers, and dreamers are always disappointed with the present. 

If you want to get somewhere, stop dreaming of it. Go get it. Set feasible goals instead of having your head in the clouds. What steps can you take right now to get where you want to go?

The pressures our generation is facing are different than any before, they are beasts. The world is crueler, more broke, more cynical, and harsher than years prior and shows no sign of slowing its pace towards becoming these things. We must adapt. We must face these pressures head on. We must go to battle. I believe that I can make it, that we can make it, but we absolutely must do something different. The idea that hard, consistent work will get you to a satisfying life is gone.

To go to battle, we need an army. This army cannot be made of dreamers, but instead it must be made of realists. We must change the direction of where we are headed financially and emotionally.

An artist you all should listen to, Luke Christopher, sang:

Can you hear us calling out for peace?

See the light is almost shining through

In a world where everyone is free

And everyone can be just who they wanna be

'Cause we ain't scared to fight until we're free See the light is almost shining through

In a world where everyone is free

And everyone can be just who they wanna be

'Cause we ain't scared to fight until we're free

I want to be free. I want you to be free. I want us all to be free. Something must change.