Gutsy

Thought I'd share a picture of rainy Washington! Beautiful hike outside of Granite Falls. There is something about getting into the wilderness that calms my soul. 

As you all should know by now if you have been reading my summer posts, I am blogging every Thursday. I should say I’m trying to blog every Thursday, excluding this coming Thursday because I will be driving the 12 hours from Seattle to California by myself. I thought about trying to video blog but I think my writing is more entertaining that my speaking. My words will be anything but funny and I’m sure crude while I’m alone in the car and facing the terrible drivers of Washington and Oregon. Thankfully I will have a companion on the home stretch five hours from the Bay Area to Santa Barbara the following day. Good thing Nicole needed a ride to Santa Barbara for the weekend!

Yellow lights will not leave me alone in this never-ending Seattle rain. I’m late everywhere I go, forgetting rain slows down freeways. I swear there is a small man with a camera on my car changing all the lights I head towards yellow right as I come up to them. They turn yellow at the split second I could either go or stop, generally I go. Usually I should stop. Story of my life.  

When I sat down with the intention of writing today absolutely nothing came to mind. Was I really not learning anything in my last full week in Seattle for possibly months? I reflected on the last week or so and tried to process some conversations and adventures I’d had. What have I done all week other than slave away at the restaurant that might have taught me something worth writing about? Yesterday morning I went on a hike with my best friend Amanda and we discussed some parts of her life that are in the process of changing. Without disclosing the private details of trail talk, my mind eventually halted on the very thing I am in the process of doing as well as what I discussed with her; follow your gut.

In exactly a week I am heading back to California for the rest of the summer without doing anywhere near as much planning as my parents would have liked. Within a matter of about two weeks, a place to live and a nanny job popped up in Santa Barbara when I had been telling my parents I would be in Seattle for the summer. I sprung it on them while driving my beloved car that is older than me up to Seattle for what should have been the summer.

As the sun set behind the ocean, and slightly obnoxiously in my eyes, on the first Saturday of May, I left Santa Barbara for what could have been months. Within miles of driving away, my heart began to ache with how much I wanted to be back there. Most of the people I have talked with have mentioned the obvious, that this is true of any transition time, but from that moment I have not once wavered on where I wanted to be for the summer. By the time I was a few hours into the part of the drive I was doing alone, I knew whole-heartedly I was going to return for the rest of the summer, situation providing.

My parents are right. I would make more money in Seattle, and have a fine summer. Maybe a little more rain, little less time with friends, but I would walk out more financially prepared for the school year. I will have spent quality time with my family, and would no doubt eventually adjust again to the surf-less, ocean-less, sunless Seattle. Despite this logic, which I generally would make a decision solely based off of, I am heading back to California anyways. I am taking a gamble on an inconsistent nanny job, searching for a restaurant job, and a possibly sketchy house in Ventura.

This is not a smart gamble by any logic. With that being said, I am taking this gamble with my whole heart to be able to jump in the ocean right when I feel the urge, share a small space with the lovely Kylie who will be my roommate for the summer, and spend time with my handsome boyfriend.

I keep dreaming about the ocean. I dream about the waves lifting underneath me while I surf, I dream about swimming around in it, and I dream about how mysterious it is. The ocean has captured my heart not only because of how much I will never know about it, but also because of its overwhelming beauty. A sunset over the waves melts me. I have been given the chance to live in the city I love, with a small portion of the people I care about so much. This could not come without a price to pay, especially for someone as unfortunate as me.

I am sacrificing familiarity, more family time, a relatively “high paying” job, and abandoning all plans to skip off to the ocean. For a reason I cannot put logic too, which is rare for me, I am so happy making this decision. My soul is at rest as I follow where my instincts lead. I am so sure that if I did not take this opportunity, I would look back wondering why I passed it up at my age. If my escape to California doesn’t go as planned, I have promised my mom I will return, been guaranteed my job back at the restaurant, and can risk at ease knowing I have a back up plan.

In the mean time, I am running away from the rain to the beach with my boyfriend. I plan on surfing, pinching pennies, working my ass off for much less money than I would have in Seattle, and casting my cares onto the sand, barefoot.

If there’s one thing I learned since last ThursdayBlogDay it is that I continually wish I had not sprung leaving on my family. I wish I had been honest from the time I began realizing I didn’t want to be in Seattle for the summer. Why I struggle so much to be up front for the blunt person I claim to be I do not know. Despite that, I am learning even more that following your heart is so important in being content with looking at the past, present, and future.

Follow those nudges in your soul, no matter how subtle.